oye. what a week it has been. friends and family and lovers. staying and leaving. snow and life. frozen. awake. and all the while i'm just trying to wrap christmas gifts and cigarettes.

back to normal?
back to sanity might be a better question.

festivus

It's nearly upon us: a festivus for the rest of us....I am suddenly in a festive holiday mood. Do you know why? It's because when I went to make coffee this morning (although I sleepily spilled half of a new can of coffee grounds all over the counter and kitchen floor...grumblingly wiped it ALL up...) As I sat at the kitchen counter, munching on an orange and gazing sleepily into space, I saw this:




How christmas-ey are WE???? How do I love thee, jennifer? Let me count the ways...


The whole incident left me with a giddy kind of feeling that also carried a note of melancholy. I've been thinking about you for the past couple of days. I had a crazy, amnesiac-feeling that when I was sick last weekend, I forgot about paul and am dying to know what happened...also, I know the seventeenth is nearly here. And then, there you were, winking at me from my mother's christmas card rack. Miss you.

random stuff that does not seem quite important enough to tell you on our very limited phone conversations but that i still want to say

1. my co-worker kate has a friend who often comes to the store at the end of the day to pick her up. he works for the government, something to do with passport creation/distribution (not sure of his official title). obviously this is a high security sort of job so he goes through a lot of training and such--point of the story is that one of the random things they teach you when you work for the passport agency is differences in handwriting (when writing in english) based on country of origin. after looking at my handwriting sample he said that my writing looks very european. oh yeah, i can write in european. within the next five years i want to live in france.

2. we have been playing chrismas music in the store for a couple weeks now. today i noticed that there is a version of dean martin singing "these are a few of my favorite things" . . . think about it for a moment . . . jazzy, rat packy, slick new york voice crooning about schnitzel with noodle and wild geese . . . it just struck me as funny

3. there was definitely a three . . . what was it . . . damn.
damn.
incomplete feeling . . . i will remember--oh oh i remember. ok, we have all these clear bohemian crystal ornaments (from the 1970's) that we are selling in the store. they are rather pretty. in the front of the store there is this giant cast iron pot rack hanging from the ceiling. we decided to hang all of the ornaments from the pot rack in order to display them and since everyone else is afraid of the ladder i got the job of climbing nine feet into the air while holding crystal ornaments. not an awful job but a little nerve wracking and time consuming. the display turned out very well. all these lovely, delicate bulbs and balls and ice cycles . . . anyway, today this woman came into the store and she loved the display. really she loved it--she kept telling me she did. she made her friend look at it from every possible angle. she sang the praises of the display and asked me if i had an art degree . . . i take that as a compliment . . . no i have a psyc degree so i will trick you into thinking you like my display. wha ha ha (evil laugh). who needs a real art degree when you can work in a little artsy store and have random customers compliment your aesthetic sensibilities. there, i just saved myself another 50 thousand dollars!

fin.

--j

perhaps post-modernists are full of themselves . . . nothing is new or edgy anymore--lets go back to everything that was . . . don't listen to any music made before 1875 . . .

if there is no avant garde can there be "counter culture"? if post modernism posits a world (culture) without boundaries i would reason that one could never be outside/interesting/creative . . . you just always "are" . . .

procrastinating

I can't decide if the postmodernists are more realistic or more cynical. Hmmm...I have much to chew on in my ever-loving-most-boring-planning-meeting in the world!!!!

happy monday. it's late . . . well not that late but i'm tired. i want write something to you but there is too much (or nothing, i can't tell) so instead i am sending you random photos (i can't think of words for myself so i might as well post someone else's ideas)

Avant-garde (pronounced /ɑvɑ̃ gɑʁd/) in means "front guard", "advance guard", or "vanguard". The term is commonly used in French, English, and German to refer to people or works that are experimental or innovative, particularly with respect to art, culture, and politics.

Avant-garde represents a pushing of the boundaries of what is accepted as the norm or the status quo, primarily in the cultural realm. The notion of the existence of the avant-garde is considered by some to be a hallmark of modernism, as distinct from postmodernism. Postmodernism posits that the age of the constant pushing of boundaries is no longer with us. Postmodernism posits that avant-garde has little to no applicability in the age of Postmodern art.

vignettes

The other night I was walking into the mall, and I heard a Salvation Army "bell ringer" in front of JC Penny. Except, instead of ringing a large bell, she was belting out caroles in a beatiful, velvety voice....just enough sweetness to balance the depth. For some reason, though I could not see her, I knew exactly what she looked like.

Well, I was in the mall for over an hour and a half. As I headed out to my car, I realized, in succession that a) the sky was pitch black, b) it had just started to snow, and c) the caroler was *still* singing. Not just 'singing', but singing at concert-hall volume and still as rich and lovely as ever. It was quite a realization; it awed me a little. I walked down the straight and narrow aisle to my car, pausing once to glance up at the snow drifting lazily to earth in the light yellow field of the parking lot light above me, listening to my friend sing out with a frankness that touched my bones, "O Come Let Us Adore Him."

today i registered for next semester. i have been putting it off, at first because i hoped that i might pull myself together and finish but that idea was dismissed a while ago. i realized that sometimes i wait until the last moment to register for class as some sort of twisted way to spite someone . . .not really sure who it would hurt but in the back of my mind it think--ha! now you have to add me to all these classes!! i know it doesn't make sense.

well today the invisible people who i tormented with my lateness had their own laugh. after selecting my thesis class from the drop down menu the computer yelled "you have repeated this course previously" in giant red letters (not very aesthetically pleasing for an art college--oh unless they are pointing out the dissonance, the mockery!!). i know very well that i am taking my time to complete my thesis--damn artificial intelligence mocking me.

love of appropriateness

Yesterday was rainy, rainy, rainy. It started out slushy-snow, and unraveled from there. In my strange purgatory of christmas shopping to kill time before the movie that got cancelled, I was grateful for my appropriate shoe choice: golashes. I had tugged them on in a thumb-my-nose-at-the-slush gesture, and here they were, being the perfect rain boots that I felt so smart in...

I am sitting in the writing center, waiting for another meeting to start. I have to make sure I duck out early so I can make photocopies for class...After class, though, I am a free bird. DYING to hear about the concert last night~will call you later, friend.

happy yucky weather monday!!!

yesterday i bought this hat. it is beautiful. in the store i put it on and all i could think was "this is the most beautiful hat i have ever placed on my head." then i looked at the price tag and blacked out for a moment. . . once i recovered i wandered around searching for a hat to take it's place, to fill the void but nothing did. i had seen beauty (had smelled couture) and could not pass it up. no imposters. no good, only best.

i walked back to the counter and walked away with a lovely silver box wrapped with a silver bow (i had sheepishly told the salesgirl that the hat was my christmas present to myself so she, very kindly, gift-wrapped it for me .

when i got home this evening i slipped off the bow and then gingerly unwrapped the slick, fresh tissue paper. "will i wear the hat tomorrow?" " will i return it?" hmmm. i placed it on my head again and loved it. i realize it is awful and yuppy to love a piece of clothing--especially because if the brand of said object were known my street credit would -pouf- be gone! i can't help myself. am i a slave to consumerism? maybe just a slave to beauty . . . well i'm either brainwashed or in love but either way i think i will live happily ever after. . .

--jb

heart attack....almost

While typing the final paper for my 514 class, which was due in a matter of hours, my computer inexplicably shut down Word 5x. Then, the computer itself shut down for no reason. THEN, it refused to shut down, and remained frozen for some time.

I believe I handled the situation with great poise and dignity. I momentarily swore--using every swear word I know. Then, I called Mom.

Long story short, I finished my paper at GCF, mom made me coffee and soup and gave me cookies, I popped the battery out and once again life is happy. But, I mean, geese...


with love from your exhausted friendly!
:)

good good morning friend. how are you? mmmmm, i haven't decided how i feel this morning . . . i snooze alarmed it for about an hour and was then woke up to sounds of construction above my head. now i am watching the news and drinking a perfect cup of coffee--oh the hammering just got really loud--yeah, my coffee is perfect and the milk is miraculous. it was supposed to spoil severeal days ago but it's still good. i love when that happens!


anyway, it's time to get ready for work. kristin could have the baby at any moment so i am the porte rouge "on call girl".


(for no real reason) here's a little photo i took on thanksgiving. the first snow of the year (for me at least)alright, that's all for my tuesday rambling.

--j

in the window of 99 cent store

I have that song in my head. It's a wonderful song. My favorite part is when she locks the baby Jesus in the closet with bread and water and a flashlight till he grows. Wonderful.

It is a bright and slightly snowy morning. I feel a bit dazzled by the color and the complications of life. How is it possible to feel so many things at once and not explode? It's tense and lovely. Ugh. Back to the grind. Happy monday!!!

snow!

Nothing says "christmas spirit" like a light dusting of pure white frozen water...

i'm thankful for mommy and daddy and soy products . . .

happy thanksgiving, friend!

you're coming here!

Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait!
:)

evil genius

so, i think i used to be an email genius. really, take a minute and remember all of my conquests . . .

damn crafty writing, if i do say so myself.

but something shifted. it's not as easy, i'm not as good, it's just a different feeling. a small list is running through my mind as to what effected the change (don't ask me what inspired this blog topic!!) . . .

here is my psychoanalysis ( i am very curious to know what you think).
i will speculate that all of my crafty writing got me nowhere, well nowhere i wanted to be. nowhere stable. i entered the hearts of people whose hearts i was not really interested in. my heart was bruised, perhaps a little torn (might still be a little sore). so maybe i am subconsciously suppressing my genius as a mode of self protection. hide the true self to avoid rejection is a classic story . . .

what do you think?

morning light

dumb

extremely random story of the moment for you . . .

right now it's 2:04 pm and i am ready to head out the door for a little bit of shopping, a few errands and one smoothy. but i can't. why? well, i have lost my keys. i think they are on the couch, maybe in between the cushions ( i threw my purse on the couch when i got home last night so they probably landed there) BUT kristine is asleep on the couch right now. she just got home from her morning of work i can't wake her up!! that would just be so mean . . . alas, i am stuck here until she wakes up and i can recover my keys.

i really need to start hanging them on the key hook when i get home.

salute!

Good morning, friend. Happy Monday!

I just wanted to post a little salute to creativity: le chaim! er, to creativity....I'm dreaming of a life of painting in Monmartre, or of running away to join a dance troupe, to live the life of Picasso's sad little saltimbanques...

Maybe I forgot to tell you: I had a lovely creativity-time in Writer's Group saturday~we painted and collaged our way through our current projects. It was deliriously messy and fun. Now, I'm sitting in the writing center, waiting for a meeting to start, listening to my friend read Chuck Norris jokes to bide the time.

God, I love this job.

today has been funny. i can't find my camera, which is sad because i have seen some great things, not that i would have actually take pictures because i never take the time to get out my camera, but i might have, and this is a grand run-on sentence and . . . wait, what was i talking about??

oh yeah, funny stuff i saw. well hopefully i will find my camera and take pictures of the grand and random things on my street. talking about them just doesn't seem as good as showing you.

i will share one thing that i saw today; just around the corner from my house there is a small purple building with a lovely purple sign proclaiming

"full spiritual cleansing"
"just $5"

really what more could you ask for?

breathless

I am a bit breathless from charging up the 6 flights to my office. Whew. What a blustery day!
This morning I had a bit of a lie-in (i.e., I snoozed my alarm something fierce). And as I sat in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee to brew, I happened to glance outside and see these birch trees. The diffused, chilly light makes them so stark against the colored leaves...

I am feeling quite satisfied today. There is much work to be done--in the semester and in life--but I am feeling placid about it. As for the semester, I see the light at the end of the tunnel~students will turn in their second-to-last essays, I will grade and plug away at my own hefty research papers, all will get done, eventually. I will have time to read again in earnest, eventually.
Not that I'm not making time to read now. It is probably saving my life. And lists are my friends. And each day has enough *ahem* stuff...of it's own.

I wish I was exercising and taking dance classes with you instead of sitting on my fat ass, jerking my fingers up and down for hours....a fat ass and carpal tunnel is all I'll get for my trouble!
:)

p.s. Puddy says 'hi'...

good morning friend,

mmm, right now it's wednesday morning. i am sitting in my room, drinking coffee and listening to nico sing about mirrors . . .

wednesday needs to be productive. i need to be productive. grocery store (am completely out of coffee), laundry, work out with k at 1:15, thesis thesis thesis, a little house cleaning . . . maybe (if i am super woman) a dance class. maybe.

we will see.

did you ever read franny and zooey? i finished it a few months ago but i was just thinking about it the other day . . . while reading it i often wondered what you would think of it . . .

"the cards are stacked (quite properly, i imagine) against all professional aesthetes, and no doubt we all deserve the dark, wordy, academic deaths we will all sooner or later die"

http://interruptions.org/

yeah . . .

bits and bobs

Thanks for the great card. It really brightened up my day here in the land of Writing Center...I have been trying to fill the blank minutes with underground art-fashioning/posting, and online browsing. here are some images I found today that I thought you'd appreciate...

yup, i picked an albino pumpkin which was grown on a navajo farm and sold by methodists. really hard to carve.
happy fall.

The "autumness" of the days is only increasing. This morning it is so chilly, I need a blanket around my shoulders as I type. Today will be a down-to-business sort of day, since tomorrow is the party where the guys and I will play...me and my hand drum...Mom and Manda are having fun with that one.

I don't see what all the fuss is about: all of us are crazy in one way or another :)
Happy Monday!

so great

so, right now i am at panera working on my thesis and there is the cutest little old couple sitting at the table next to me. they have been here for almost as long as i have drinking coffee and doing a crossword puzzle together. they each have their own little pen and paper to spell out words but they still talk everything through. also, each one of them goes up to get their own coffee but the one who remains at the table straightens things up and prepares it for their lover's return. it's very precious.

it was so nice to be able to spend time in MI with you this past week. that aside, i am realizing more and more how much i appreciate the fact that you and i are able to enjoy the same things from very far away . sort of takes away the distance to enjoy the same experience. here are some photos of the amazing sunset last night . . .

'swonderful

It was so great to have you visit, friend. I just love having you around, eating good food and talking together...

Happy Monday, friend. I am trying to recover a bit from a night of jamming out on some hand drums and sipping wine in a fabulously decorated apartment that I secretly lusted after...quite a night!

I am puffy and pooped this morning--thank God for coffee and pastries from Panera! (thank him more for engagement gifts of Panera gift cards...) Can't wait to see you--approximately 24 hrs!!!

is it really friday? time just wooshes past leaving me stunned. there is so much i meant to do yesterday . . . i am so three days ago.

maybe i should take tap dance lessons--increase my awareness of time through rhythm, or the drums. yes i shoudl start to play the drums again. that will certainly solve my procrastination problems by teaching me how to work with time. oh yeah . . . i'm so set.

ok, changing the subject. i have a few photos for you . . . i'm trying to decide if i should explain what i was doing or let you guess . . .

cinder block office

What could be better than green tea and nice music to accompany the soft tapping of my own fingers on the keyboard? I have to go to class soon, but I wrote a little poem for you. Maybe it will spark the fuse of your thesis-weary mind. (Countdown: 4 days!)

tea, with pleasure
stir dreams
with peacock feathers
sever the knot
from the taught rope
and sail
further than the sighted stretch
of glassy supposition
plunging into the depth
of opal imagination

today was long. i'm exhausted and i don't have nearly enough done on my thesis . . . ah well. i don't want to read or wright so i think i will just look out the window . . .

thrilled

It is Sunday night, and I am thrilled with how my weekend went (mind you, I did not get any work done at all). It was fabulous.
Last night I relaxed with chilled chanin blanc (especially delicious in the unseasonable humidity) and a lovely bonfire. Today, I ate a large Greek salad (yum!), napped, and meandered through Target and Trader Joes. What could be better?





As I went along throughout my valiantly relaxing saturday and sunday, I snapped some pics I thought you'd appreciate, especially the ones of the yard this evening. Just makes me want to put on some Johnny Cash and eat chocolate.